By Addy Smith
We’ve all been there— Caught in a difficult conversation that feels like a tightrope walk. Whether you’re addressing a colleague’s idea, resolving a conflict, or managing tough feedback, how you respond can determine whether the discussion ends in collaboration or conflict.
If you’re someone who often tries to avoid difficult conversations at all costs, try leaning on the ABC Model of response to direct the conversation. Here’s how it works:
A: Agree
When someone presents their perspective, look for areas where you can genuinely agree. This approach builds rapport and shows that you value their input. It doesn’t mean you have to agree with everything, just that you recognize something valid in what they’ve said.
For example:
“I agree that increasing customer response times is a priority. That’s definitely an area we need to improve.”
By acknowledging their point, you’re creating a positive foundation for further dialogue. Even partial agreement, like “I agree with your point about response times, but I’d like to explore other solutions too,” works wonders for keeping the conversation collaborative.
B: Build
If you agree and see an opportunity to enhance the idea, build on it. This shows that you’re engaged and solutions-focused.
For instance:
“I agree that improving customer response times is important. To make that happen, I think we could also consider updating our training programs to improve consistency.”
This step keeps the conversation moving forward by layering in your perspective without dismissing theirs.
C: Compare
When you disagree, try to resist the urge to dive into criticism or opposition. Instead, compare ideas in a way that encourages mutual understanding. Start by paraphrasing their view to show that you’re listening, then share your perspective side by side.
For example:
“You’re suggesting we focus solely on response times as the key metric, right? I see where you’re coming from, but I think we also need to balance that with improving customer satisfaction scores.”
By framing your disagreement as a comparison, you avoid unnecessary conflict and focus on constructive dialogue.
Why the ABC Model Works
This approach helps keep conversations respectful and productive. It shifts the focus from proving someone wrong to exploring solutions together. The next time you find yourself in a difficult conversation, try using the ABCs to navigate it:
- Agree: Find common ground to build rapport.
- Build: Add your ideas to move the conversation forward.
- Compare: Share your perspective side by side without dismissing theirs.
Difficult conversations don’t have to feel like a battle. With the ABC Model, they can become opportunities to strengthen relationships, solve problems, and inspire collaboration. Give it a try in your next difficult conversation!
